just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize