Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
