it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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