so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
