Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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