I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
