she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
