I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
