I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize