Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize