so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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