so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize