If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
