And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
