She's JV to your varsity
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Two words: nipple clamps
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