I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
