Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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