I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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