I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
