spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
