I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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