That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think my moral compass just broke
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
