New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize