I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
