This is not my ceiling
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
