If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
