Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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