the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Help. Why am I so naked?
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