if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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