maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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