Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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