a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
