I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize