I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
