Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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