did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
