You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
