what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
