my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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