I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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