she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Drunk is a universal language darling
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