how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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