i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
