Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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