Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
