So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
