Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sorry about my life...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
