oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
