he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
