i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
