I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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