btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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