i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
