Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
