we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
