the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
