I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
