I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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