it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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