Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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