Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
