loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
