I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
