we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
