His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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