Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
