dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
