pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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