What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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