The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
