Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I believe in your delicious
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
