is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
MIDGETS
????
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
