my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The air taste purple.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
