I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
