you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
