Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
