The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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