New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
