My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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